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<\/a><\/div>\nOne of the most compelling moments in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner<\/a> occurs when a son points out to his father that they have fundamentally assymetrical duties toward one another. Three days ago I started to read Don Quixote<\/i>. It is hard to put the book down. I just came across a wonderful passage that reminded me of the aforementioned scene in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner<\/i>. Here the concern is the assymetrical relationship between the lover and beloved. Read for yourself.<\/p>\n “That is true,” said Vivaldo; and as he was about to read another<\/p>\n paper of those he had preserved from the fire, he was stopped by a<\/p>\n marvellous vision (for such it seemed) that unexpectedly presented<\/p>\n itself to their eyes; for on the summit of the rock where they were<\/p>\n digging the grave there appeared the shepherdess Marcela, so beautiful<\/p>\n that her beauty exceeded its reputation. Those who had never till then<\/p>\n beheld her gazed upon her in wonder and silence, and those who were<\/p>\n accustomed to see her were not less amazed than those who had never<\/p>\n seen her before. But the instant Ambrosio saw her he addressed her,<\/p>\n with manifest indignation:<\/p>\n “Art thou come, by chance, cruel basilisk of these mountains, to see<\/p>\n if in thy presence blood will flow from the wounds of this wretched<\/p>\n being thy cruelty has robbed of life; or is it to exult over the cruel<\/p>\n work of thy humours that thou art come; or like another pitiless<\/p>\n Nero to look down from that height upon the ruin of his Rome in<\/p>\n embers; or in thy arrogance to trample on this ill-fated corpse, as<\/p>\n the ungrateful daughter trampled on her father Tarquin’s? Tell us<\/p>\n quickly for what thou art come, or what it is thou wouldst have,<\/p>\n for, as I know the thoughts of Chrysostom never failed to obey thee in<\/p>\n life, I will make all these who call themselves his friends obey thee,<\/p>\n though he be dead.”<\/p>\n “I come not, Ambrosia for any of the purposes thou hast named,”<\/p>\n replied Marcela, “but to defend myself and to prove how unreasonable<\/p>\n are all those who blame me for their sorrow and for Chrysostom’s<\/p>\n death; and therefore I ask all of you that are here to give me your<\/p>\n attention, for will not take much time or many words to bring the<\/p>\n truth home to persons of sense. Heaven has made me, so you say,<\/p>\n beautiful, and so much so that in spite of yourselves my beauty<\/p>\n leads you to love me; and for the love you show me you say, and even<\/p>\n urge, that I am bound to love you. By that natural understanding which<\/p>\n God has given me I know that everything beautiful attracts love, but I<\/p>\n cannot see how, by reason of being loved, that which is loved for<\/p>\n its beauty is bound to love that which loves it; besides, it may<\/p>\n happen that the lover of that which is beautiful may be ugly, and<\/p>\n ugliness being detestable, it is very absurd to say, “I love thee<\/p>\n because thou art beautiful, thou must love me though I be ugly.” But<\/p>\n supposing the beauty equal on both sides, it does not follow that<\/p>\n the inclinations must be therefore alike, for it is not every beauty<\/p>\n that excites love, some but pleasing the eye without winning the<\/p>\n affection; and if every sort of beauty excited love and won the heart,<\/p>\n the will would wander vaguely to and fro unable to make choice of any;<\/p>\n for as there is an infinity of beautiful objects there must be an<\/p>\n infinity of inclinations, and true love, I have heard it said, is<\/p>\n indivisible, and must be voluntary and not compelled. If this be so,<\/p>\n as I believe it to be, why do you desire me to bend my will by<\/p>\n force, for no other reason but that you say you love me? Nay- tell me-<\/p>\n had Heaven made me ugly, as it has made me beautiful, could I with<\/p>\n justice complain of you for not loving me? Moreover, you must remember<\/p>\n that the beauty I possess was no choice of mine, for, be it what it<\/p>\n may, Heaven of its bounty gave it me without my asking or choosing it;<\/p>\n and as the viper, though it kills with it, does not deserve to be<\/p>\n blamed for the poison it carries, as it is a gift of nature, neither<\/p>\n do I deserve reproach for being beautiful; for beauty in a modest<\/p>\n woman is like fire at a distance or a sharp sword; the one does not<\/p>\n burn, the other does not cut, those who do not come too near. Honour<\/p>\n and virtue are the ornaments of the mind, without which the body,<\/p>\n though it be so, has no right to pass for beautiful; but if modesty is<\/p>\n one of the virtues that specially lend a grace and charm to mind and<\/p>\n body, why should she who is loved for her beauty part with it to<\/p>\n gratify one who for his pleasure alone strives with all his might<\/p>\n and energy to rob her of it? I was born free, and that I might live in<\/p>\n freedom I chose the solitude of the fields; in the trees of the<\/p>\n mountains I find society, the clear waters of the brooks are my<\/p>\n mirrors, and to the trees and waters I make known my thoughts and<\/p>\n charms. I am a fire afar off, a sword laid aside. Those whom I have<\/p>\n inspired with love by letting them see me, I have by words undeceived,<\/p>\n and if their longings live on hope- and I have given none to<\/p>\n Chrysostom or to any other- it cannot justly be said that the death of<\/p>\n any is my doing, for it was rather his own obstinacy than my cruelty<\/p>\n that killed him; and if it be made a charge against me that his wishes<\/p>\n were honourable, and that therefore I was bound to yield to them, I<\/p>\n answer that when on this very spot where now his grave is made he<\/p>\n declared to me his purity of purpose, I told him that mine was to live<\/p>\n in perpetual solitude, and that the earth alone should enjoy the<\/p>\n fruits of my retirement and the spoils of my beauty; and if, after<\/p>\n this open avowal, he chose to persist against hope and steer against<\/p>\n the wind, what wonder is it that he should sink in the depths of his<\/p>\n infatuation? If I had encouraged him, I should be false; if I had<\/p>\n gratified him, I should have acted against my own better resolution<\/p>\n and purpose. He was persistent in spite of warning, he despaired<\/p>\n without being hated. Bethink you now if it be reasonable that his<\/p>\n suffering should be laid to my charge. Let him who has been deceived<\/p>\n complain, let him give way to despair whose encouraged hopes have<\/p>\n proved vain, let him flatter himself whom I shall entice, let him<\/p>\n boast whom I shall receive; but let not him call me cruel or<\/p>\n homicide to whom I make no promise, upon whom I practise no deception,<\/p>\n whom I neither entice nor receive. It has not been so far the will<\/p>\n of Heaven that I should love by fate, and to expect me to love by<\/p>\n choice is idle. Let this general declaration serve for each of my<\/p>\n suitors on his own account, and let it be understood from this time<\/p>\n forth that if anyone dies for me it is not of jealousy or misery he<\/p>\n dies, for she who loves no one can give no cause for jealousy to<\/p>\n any, and candour is not to be confounded with scorn. Let him who calls<\/p>\n me wild beast and basilisk, leave me alone as something noxious and<\/p>\n evil; let him who calls me ungrateful, withhold his service; who calls<\/p>\n me wayward, seek not my acquaintance; who calls me cruel, pursue me<\/p>\n not; for this wild beast, this basilisk, this ungrateful, cruel,<\/p>\n wayward being has no kind of desire to seek, serve, know, or follow<\/p>\n them. If Chrysostom’s impatience and violent passion killed him, why<\/p>\n should my modest behaviour and circumspection be blamed? If I preserve<\/p>\n my purity in the society of the trees, why should he who would have me<\/p>\n preserve it among men, seek to rob me of it? I have, as you know,<\/p>\n wealth of my own, and I covet not that of others; my taste is for<\/p>\n freedom, and I have no relish for constraint; I neither love nor<\/p>\n hate anyone; I do not deceive this one or court that, or trifle with<\/p>\n one or play with another. The modest converse of the shepherd girls of<\/p>\n these hamlets and the care of my goats are my recreations; my<\/p>\n desires are bounded by these mountains, and if they ever wander<\/p>\n hence it is to contemplate the beauty of the heavens, steps by which<\/p>\n the soul travels to its primeval abode.”<\/p>\n With these words, and not waiting to hear a reply, she turned and<\/p>\n passed into the thickest part of a wood that was hard by, leaving<\/p>\n all who were there lost in admiration as much of her good sense as<\/p>\n of her beauty. Some- those wounded by the irresistible shafts launched<\/p>\n by her bright eyes- made as though they would follow her, heedless<\/p>\n of the frank declaration they had heard; seeing which, and deeming<\/p>\n this a fitting occasion for the exercise of his chivalry in aid of<\/p>\n distressed damsels, Don Quixote, laying his hand on the hilt of his<\/p>\n sword, exclaimed in a loud and distinct voice:<\/p>\n “Let no one, whatever his rank or condition, dare to follow the<\/p>\n beautiful Marcela, under pain of incurring my fierce indignation.<\/p>\n She has shown by clear and satisfactory arguments that little or no<\/p>\n fault is to be found with her for the death of Chrysostom, and also<\/p>\n how far she is from yielding to the wishes of any of her lovers, for<\/p>\n which reason, instead of being followed and persecuted, she should<\/p>\n in justice be honoured and esteemed by all the good people of the<\/p>\n world, for she shows that she is the only woman in it that holds to<\/p>\n such a virtuous resolution.”<\/p>\n From First Part, Chapter XIV, Internet Version<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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