One of the most compelling moments in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner occurs when a son points out to his father that they have fundamentally assymetrical duties toward one another. Three days ago I started to read Don Quixote. It is hard to put the book down. I just came across a wonderful passage that reminded me of the aforementioned scene in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.  Here the concern is the assymetrical relationship between the lover and beloved.  Read for yourself.

“That is true,” said Vivaldo; and as he was about to read another

paper of those he had preserved from the fire, he was stopped by a

marvellous vision (for such it seemed) that unexpectedly presented

itself to their eyes; for on the summit of the rock where they were

digging the grave there appeared the shepherdess Marcela, so beautiful

that her beauty exceeded its reputation. Those who had never till then

beheld her gazed upon her in wonder and silence, and those who were

accustomed to see her were not less amazed than those who had never

seen her before. But the instant Ambrosio saw her he addressed her,

with manifest indignation:

“Art thou come, by chance, cruel basilisk of these mountains, to see

if in thy presence blood will flow from the wounds of this wretched

being thy cruelty has robbed of life; or is it to exult over the cruel

work of thy humours that thou art come; or like another pitiless

Nero to look down from that height upon the ruin of his Rome in

embers; or in thy arrogance to trample on this ill-fated corpse, as

the ungrateful daughter trampled on her father Tarquin’s? Tell us

quickly for what thou art come, or what it is thou wouldst have,

for, as I know the thoughts of Chrysostom never failed to obey thee in

life, I will make all these who call themselves his friends obey thee,

though he be dead.”

“I come not, Ambrosia for any of the purposes thou hast named,”

replied Marcela, “but to defend myself and to prove how unreasonable

are all those who blame me for their sorrow and for Chrysostom’s

death; and therefore I ask all of you that are here to give me your

attention, for will not take much time or many words to bring the

truth home to persons of sense. Heaven has made me, so you say,

beautiful, and so much so that in spite of yourselves my beauty

leads you to love me; and for the love you show me you say, and even

urge, that I am bound to love you. By that natural understanding which

God has given me I know that everything beautiful attracts love, but I

cannot see how, by reason of being loved, that which is loved for

its beauty is bound to love that which loves it; besides, it may

happen that the lover of that which is beautiful may be ugly, and

ugliness being detestable, it is very absurd to say, “I love thee

because thou art beautiful, thou must love me though I be ugly.” But

supposing the beauty equal on both sides, it does not follow that

the inclinations must be therefore alike, for it is not every beauty

that excites love, some but pleasing the eye without winning the

affection; and if every sort of beauty excited love and won the heart,

the will would wander vaguely to and fro unable to make choice of any;

for as there is an infinity of beautiful objects there must be an

infinity of inclinations, and true love, I have heard it said, is

indivisible, and must be voluntary and not compelled. If this be so,

as I believe it to be, why do you desire me to bend my will by

force, for no other reason but that you say you love me? Nay- tell me-

had Heaven made me ugly, as it has made me beautiful, could I with

justice complain of you for not loving me? Moreover, you must remember

that the beauty I possess was no choice of mine, for, be it what it

may, Heaven of its bounty gave it me without my asking or choosing it;

and as the viper, though it kills with it, does not deserve to be

blamed for the poison it carries, as it is a gift of nature, neither

do I deserve reproach for being beautiful; for beauty in a modest

woman is like fire at a distance or a sharp sword; the one does not

burn, the other does not cut, those who do not come too near. Honour

and virtue are the ornaments of the mind, without which the body,

though it be so, has no right to pass for beautiful; but if modesty is

one of the virtues that specially lend a grace and charm to mind and

body, why should she who is loved for her beauty part with it to

gratify one who for his pleasure alone strives with all his might

and energy to rob her of it? I was born free, and that I might live in

freedom I chose the solitude of the fields; in the trees of the

mountains I find society, the clear waters of the brooks are my

mirrors, and to the trees and waters I make known my thoughts and

charms. I am a fire afar off, a sword laid aside. Those whom I have

inspired with love by letting them see me, I have by words undeceived,

and if their longings live on hope- and I have given none to

Chrysostom or to any other- it cannot justly be said that the death of

any is my doing, for it was rather his own obstinacy than my cruelty

that killed him; and if it be made a charge against me that his wishes

were honourable, and that therefore I was bound to yield to them, I

answer that when on this very spot where now his grave is made he

declared to me his purity of purpose, I told him that mine was to live

in perpetual solitude, and that the earth alone should enjoy the

fruits of my retirement and the spoils of my beauty; and if, after

this open avowal, he chose to persist against hope and steer against

the wind, what wonder is it that he should sink in the depths of his

infatuation? If I had encouraged him, I should be false; if I had

gratified him, I should have acted against my own better resolution

and purpose. He was persistent in spite of warning, he despaired

without being hated. Bethink you now if it be reasonable that his

suffering should be laid to my charge. Let him who has been deceived

complain, let him give way to despair whose encouraged hopes have

proved vain, let him flatter himself whom I shall entice, let him

boast whom I shall receive; but let not him call me cruel or

homicide to whom I make no promise, upon whom I practise no deception,

whom I neither entice nor receive. It has not been so far the will

of Heaven that I should love by fate, and to expect me to love by

choice is idle. Let this general declaration serve for each of my

suitors on his own account, and let it be understood from this time

forth that if anyone dies for me it is not of jealousy or misery he

dies, for she who loves no one can give no cause for jealousy to

any, and candour is not to be confounded with scorn. Let him who calls

me wild beast and basilisk, leave me alone as something noxious and

evil; let him who calls me ungrateful, withhold his service; who calls

me wayward, seek not my acquaintance; who calls me cruel, pursue me

not; for this wild beast, this basilisk, this ungrateful, cruel,

wayward being has no kind of desire to seek, serve, know, or follow

them. If Chrysostom’s impatience and violent passion killed him, why

should my modest behaviour and circumspection be blamed? If I preserve

my purity in the society of the trees, why should he who would have me

preserve it among men, seek to rob me of it? I have, as you know,

wealth of my own, and I covet not that of others; my taste is for

freedom, and I have no relish for constraint; I neither love nor

hate anyone; I do not deceive this one or court that, or trifle with

one or play with another. The modest converse of the shepherd girls of

these hamlets and the care of my goats are my recreations; my

desires are bounded by these mountains, and if they ever wander

hence it is to contemplate the beauty of the heavens, steps by which

the soul travels to its primeval abode.”

With these words, and not waiting to hear a reply, she turned and

passed into the thickest part of a wood that was hard by, leaving

all who were there lost in admiration as much of her good sense as

of her beauty. Some- those wounded by the irresistible shafts launched

by her bright eyes- made as though they would follow her, heedless

of the frank declaration they had heard; seeing which, and deeming

this a fitting occasion for the exercise of his chivalry in aid of

distressed damsels, Don Quixote, laying his hand on the hilt of his

sword, exclaimed in a loud and distinct voice:

“Let no one, whatever his rank or condition, dare to follow the

beautiful Marcela, under pain of incurring my fierce indignation.

She has shown by clear and satisfactory arguments that little or no

fault is to be found with her for the death of Chrysostom, and also

how far she is from yielding to the wishes of any of her lovers, for

which reason, instead of being followed and persecuted, she should

in justice be honoured and esteemed by all the good people of the

world, for she shows that she is the only woman in it that holds to

such a virtuous resolution.”

From First Part, Chapter XIV,  Internet Version